[ And just like that, Gustave feels some of his concern start to melt away. This is why Maelle teases him, and others, too - his idealism, while dented by the failure of his own Expedition, and of the others, and everything Maelle's told him about their world, continues to hold fast enough for him to read those three words and believe at once that things will be okay. After Sophie, he should probably know better; love isn't always enough to keep things from falling apart. But he'd never been able to stop himself before, hadn't learned his lesson then, and he clings onto that message, if only for this brief moment.
He doesn't know how this will work, if it can work at all, but Date loves him and Gustave loves Date and they're both alive. That has to mean something, right? Even if they hurt each other. It's easy to believe in when the pain of separation is so fresh. ]
I love you too. Remember what I told you? I can't imagine you not being here. In my life
[ He went from Lumière to the beach house to Date's world back to Lumière. Surely, he thinks, Date could come visit him here. Couldn't he?
Could he? With what he knows now? Date's a real person. Maelle said only certain people are like her, with the power to enter a canvas. But Ryoji is here, she'd said. Fuck, he doesn't understand any of this. The brief surge of certainty from Date's words fades away, replaced by a hollow feeling in his middle. ]
There are some things I learned that I don't really understand about Lumière and about myself and I should tell you. It might be complicated.
[ Reading the words back, Date feels... good. Warm. A bubble of hope rising in his chest after being so mired in misery for the past few hours. He wants to hear Gustave say it again, wants to hear his voice, but he's assuming Gustave didn't call for a reason. If this is all he can do, then this is all he can do. But he doesn't want the last time he heard Gustave's voice saying those words to him being in agony either.
God, he misses him so much already...
He's wondering what to say back, that won't be so sappy and stupid, when the next text comes through and there's concern in him that has nothing to do with his own self-pity and everything to do with his need for Gustave to be safe. Something about Lumiere is one thing, but about Gustave himself? What does that mean? ... It must mean he can't leave Lumiere anymore. It might be complicated. Returning to each other isn't going to be that simple, is it? ]
[ not for the first time in this conversation, Gustave resents how hard it is to read Date's tone through text on a screen. The last thing he needs to do is stress him out more - but he supposes he's already committed to telling him about this by bringing it up. It's just hard for Gustave not to think about it. Especially not when they're talking about - or going to talk about - the logistics of Date seeing him again. Maybe they'll be lucky, and it's not actually complicated at all, but he's the last man who would dare count on luck.
He's here, and he's alive, and they can still talk. No matter what, that truth won't change. He keeps that in his mind as he begins his attempt to explain what's still inexplicable to him. ]
You know how Paris looked so much like Lumière and we couldn't figure out why? Well I know now. Sort of. The world I know, it's not real. It's just based on your world, or one a lot like it anyway. I'm not real either. Me and Lumière and all of it, we were all created by some higher power to mimic that world. We're like a smaller world inside of yours. It's called a canvas and the being who created us is the painter. That's why it looked like I gommaged. I think. That was me, my Chroma, whatever you want to call it just getting called back to the canvas where it's supposed to be. No body, just paint
I can't wrap my head around it either but I know it's the truth, there's proof. I don't know how you brought someone like me home with you in the first place.
[ the wall of text suggests Gustave is having a minor existential crisis about this. Just a little. He hasn't been able to talk about it with anyone other than Maelle, and Maelle's perspective is -- well. Different than his own, for a lot of reasons. ]
[ It doesn't help that Date isn't making it easy for Gustave to read his tone. His conflicted desire to pull back versus his immediate need to know what's going on has him threading a complicated needle when it comes to presenting himself via text. What tone does he want to convey? How enthusiastic? How passive? He doesn't know. He just feels weird and bad and confused but he's trying not to show it.
And it doesn't help that Gustave's story is... wild. Gustave is... from a fake world? Made of paint?
He's paint?
But how could he — I don't know how you brought someone like me home with you in the first place. Yeah, that's the question Date has too. They really are proving the point of alternate worlds, aren't they? He thinks of Iris again, her parallel world theory. Anything and everything that exists can and will exist in a parallel world. Therefore, a world made of paint can and will exist. They just got lucky, didn't they? With the game show. It's only through that that their worlds were allowed to overlap.
... Does this mean he can never go to Lumiere? Because he's not paint? Would he die?
The detective brain is whirring, taking it all this information but he also is well aware Gustave is panicking slightly. He's not surprised by this, but the frenetic energy in his texts reads very obviously to Date. Unlike Date, where texting is a natural part of his generation and so he can mask his tone a bit better on it, Gustave texts like he's writing, and more emotion comes out. It's an interesting contrast. ]
you're real. created differently, but still a sentient being with hopes, dreams, wishes, and desires like the rest of us. don't convince yourself otherwise.
look at this way, no one knows why my world exists at all. there's no concrete proof we aren't in our own version of a canvas. the only difference between your world and mine is that you know how you were created and why. i don't. that's it. you're still real. tell me you understand that.
[ Once Date replies, Gustave is reminded of exactly why he felt compelled to share it with him, albeit subconsciously. Whenever he has a problem, Date's raring to sit down and solve it, no matter how silly, strange or abstract. The detective side of him is shockingly reliable. And he's right, Gustave thinks, scanning over the letters a few times more. There at his desk, he inhales deeply before breathing out a bone-weary sigh. Date is right. ]
Yeah, I understand it. I mean it's not like I feel less human. It's just hard to accept.
[ It sort of makes him feel like -- what was the point of any of it? Their lives, their tears, their struggles, all existing purely because of someone's whim - and just as easily made to stop existing, apparently. They're like ants in an ant farm. And the idea that Maelle is something more than him, a Painter, and they're only surviving by her good graces and love, is...
No, he can't get caught up on this again. He's talking to Date. Another deep breath. ]
I'm not sure how you can come inside. But I think it's possible. I mean I was outside., that must be harder to do. And we were both in that third place, wherever that show was. So...
Maelle brought someone from the outside world in somehow. I can talk to her. I'm working on it, I'll figure it out.
[ another pause. ]
Would you come see me? When I figure it out?
[ is that too much to ask? For him to wait? It feels like he's always jerking Date around - even if he doesn't mean to - but, again, he wants to see him, and his selfishness wins out. ]
[ It takes a moment for him to context switch. He's thinking, trying to puzzle out what exactly it means for their worlds to overlap, what the definition of alive means to Gustave when he's not exactly flesh and blood. But he is, isn't he? He's just also — chroma, right? And maybe this chroma is what facilitates his being able to travel through these worlds and stay whole despite being... paint. It's easy to write it off as magic on some level but it's also more than that. It's a sustenance, specific to Gustave's world, that doesn't exist in Date's. Another basic element that adds more to this world as a result.
That's where his thoughts are circling when Gustave asks if he's going to come see him and Date startles for a moment. Right, right. Gustave... still wants him in his life, still wants to see him. That's incredible. That's all Date really wants, all the reassurance he needs. He closes his eye for a moment and breathes in, tries to imagine Gustave in front of him — his kind smile, his warm eyes, his sturdy body whenever they hug... Of course he wants to see him again. He doesn't want to go a day without seeing him. ]
of course. gustave, you're so important to me.
this isn't the way i want to say all the things i want to say to you. so i'll wait until we can see each other again. but i don't want this to be the end of us, okay? i will try whatever we need to try to still be together. there's still plenty of options on the table.
[ Of course. Of course! Of course he says of course, because he's Date and he'd crawl through broken glass if he thought it was the only way to reach him. Gustave feels a bit foolish for worrying at all. But he can't help it. He knows what he has here is special, with Date, and he's not about to take it for granted. Besides, he thinks sometimes that he's more sensitive to what Date's really feeling than the man himself is. Somebody has to consider his emotions.
He smiles to himself, and resolves to ask Maelle. When they're both ready, of course. She deserves to monopolize his attention for a while. ]
I know, it's stupid to text all this, there's a lot to say. This is just the only way I could contact you that I have and I didn't want you to keep thinking the worst.
I am sorry for scaring you. If it's any consolation I was also very scared, but I'm OK and you're OK and we can sort this out.
Thank you for everything, mon chaton. I will see you soon, promise. I want to show you so much.
[ Gustave is entirely right that he's more sensitive to what Date's feeling than Date is, even now Date is struggling with his own emotions. At the very most base level, the most selfish and petulant, all Date wants is Gustave back. He doesn't care how he gets him back, doesn't care what he has to do, he just wants to see him again. But then there's the tangle of self-worth and duty that comes on top of that. The belief that he doesn't really deserve Gustave in the first place, that this was only ever temporary, that he should be used to being alone. And the duty towards Maelle, even if he doesn't know her yet. The responsibility he has to help Gustave return home, return to his family, because he's been split apart from his own family before and it's — miserable.
So, he won't push for an immediate reunion, even if he knows he wants it. Because Gustave deserves to be home for a while, to be with his own family for a while longer before Date intrudes. And Date will just hold onto his anxiety, his hurt, his fear, a little while longer.
The text comes and it's sweet and perfect and so much of why he loves Gustave that it nearly hurts. He wants to hold him, to comfort him. They were both scared out of their minds for a brief moment there and now things are okay again but still... the fear doesn't dissipate so easily. Date breathes in softly and resolves to distract himself over the next while, until he can see Gustave again properly. ]
i'll be waiting. try and have a good time in the meantime, okay? maelle, emma, your apprentices. give them all your love. i know you missed them.
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no subject
He doesn't know how this will work, if it can work at all, but Date loves him and Gustave loves Date and they're both alive. That has to mean something, right? Even if they hurt each other. It's easy to believe in when the pain of separation is so fresh. ]
I love you too.
Remember what I told you? I can't imagine you not being here.
In my life
[ He went from Lumière to the beach house to Date's world back to Lumière. Surely, he thinks, Date could come visit him here. Couldn't he?
Could he? With what he knows now? Date's a real person. Maelle said only certain people are like her, with the power to enter a canvas. But Ryoji is here, she'd said. Fuck, he doesn't understand any of this. The brief surge of certainty from Date's words fades away, replaced by a hollow feeling in his middle. ]
There are some things I learned that I don't really understand about Lumière and about myself and I should tell you. It might be complicated.
no subject
God, he misses him so much already...
He's wondering what to say back, that won't be so sappy and stupid, when the next text comes through and there's concern in him that has nothing to do with his own self-pity and everything to do with his need for Gustave to be safe. Something about Lumiere is one thing, but about Gustave himself? What does that mean? ... It must mean he can't leave Lumiere anymore. It might be complicated. Returning to each other isn't going to be that simple, is it? ]
what is it? is it something bad?
no subject
He's here, and he's alive, and they can still talk. No matter what, that truth won't change. He keeps that in his mind as he begins his attempt to explain what's still inexplicable to him. ]
You know how Paris looked so much like Lumière and we couldn't figure out why?
Well I know now. Sort of.
The world I know, it's not real. It's just based on your world, or one a lot like it anyway.
I'm not real either. Me and Lumière and all of it, we were all created by some higher power to mimic that world. We're like a smaller world inside of yours. It's called a canvas and the being who created us is the painter.
That's why it looked like I gommaged. I think. That was me, my Chroma, whatever you want to call it just getting called back to the canvas where it's supposed to be. No body, just paint
I can't wrap my head around it either but I know it's the truth, there's proof. I don't know how you brought someone like me home with you in the first place.
[ the wall of text suggests Gustave is having a minor existential crisis about this. Just a little. He hasn't been able to talk about it with anyone other than Maelle, and Maelle's perspective is -- well. Different than his own, for a lot of reasons. ]
no subject
And it doesn't help that Gustave's story is... wild. Gustave is... from a fake world? Made of paint?
He's paint?
But how could he — I don't know how you brought someone like me home with you in the first place. Yeah, that's the question Date has too. They really are proving the point of alternate worlds, aren't they? He thinks of Iris again, her parallel world theory. Anything and everything that exists can and will exist in a parallel world. Therefore, a world made of paint can and will exist. They just got lucky, didn't they? With the game show. It's only through that that their worlds were allowed to overlap.
... Does this mean he can never go to Lumiere? Because he's not paint? Would he die?
The detective brain is whirring, taking it all this information but he also is well aware Gustave is panicking slightly. He's not surprised by this, but the frenetic energy in his texts reads very obviously to Date. Unlike Date, where texting is a natural part of his generation and so he can mask his tone a bit better on it, Gustave texts like he's writing, and more emotion comes out. It's an interesting contrast. ]
you're real. created differently, but still a sentient being with hopes, dreams, wishes, and desires like the rest of us. don't convince yourself otherwise.
look at this way, no one knows why my world exists at all. there's no concrete proof we aren't in our own version of a canvas. the only difference between your world and mine is that you know how you were created and why. i don't. that's it. you're still real. tell me you understand that.
no subject
Yeah, I understand it.
I mean it's not like I feel less human. It's just hard to accept.
[ It sort of makes him feel like -- what was the point of any of it? Their lives, their tears, their struggles, all existing purely because of someone's whim - and just as easily made to stop existing, apparently. They're like ants in an ant farm. And the idea that Maelle is something more than him, a Painter, and they're only surviving by her good graces and love, is...
No, he can't get caught up on this again. He's talking to Date. Another deep breath. ]
I'm not sure how you can come inside.
But I think it's possible. I mean I was outside., that must be harder to do.
And we were both in that third place, wherever that show was. So...
Maelle brought someone from the outside world in somehow. I can talk to her.
I'm working on it, I'll figure it out.
[ another pause. ]
Would you come see me? When I figure it out?
[ is that too much to ask? For him to wait? It feels like he's always jerking Date around - even if he doesn't mean to - but, again, he wants to see him, and his selfishness wins out. ]
no subject
That's where his thoughts are circling when Gustave asks if he's going to come see him and Date startles for a moment. Right, right. Gustave... still wants him in his life, still wants to see him. That's incredible. That's all Date really wants, all the reassurance he needs. He closes his eye for a moment and breathes in, tries to imagine Gustave in front of him — his kind smile, his warm eyes, his sturdy body whenever they hug... Of course he wants to see him again. He doesn't want to go a day without seeing him. ]
of course. gustave, you're so important to me.
this isn't the way i want to say all the things i want to say to you. so i'll wait until we can see each other again. but i don't want this to be the end of us, okay? i will try whatever we need to try to still be together. there's still plenty of options on the table.
no subject
He smiles to himself, and resolves to ask Maelle. When they're both ready, of course. She deserves to monopolize his attention for a while. ]
I know, it's stupid to text all this, there's a lot to say. This is just the only way I could contact you that I have and I didn't want you to keep thinking the worst.
I am sorry for scaring you. If it's any consolation I was also very scared, but I'm OK and you're OK and we can sort this out.
Thank you for everything, mon chaton. I will see you soon, promise. I want to show you so much.
no subject
So, he won't push for an immediate reunion, even if he knows he wants it. Because Gustave deserves to be home for a while, to be with his own family for a while longer before Date intrudes. And Date will just hold onto his anxiety, his hurt, his fear, a little while longer.
The text comes and it's sweet and perfect and so much of why he loves Gustave that it nearly hurts. He wants to hold him, to comfort him. They were both scared out of their minds for a brief moment there and now things are okay again but still... the fear doesn't dissipate so easily. Date breathes in softly and resolves to distract himself over the next while, until he can see Gustave again properly. ]
i'll be waiting. try and have a good time in the meantime, okay? maelle, emma, your apprentices. give them all your love. i know you missed them.
[ Date can wait. He knows he can. ]