tunasub | OPEN POST 2019

[ he waits until the water's stilled enough for them to be sitting down before he opens his eyes again, true to his gentlemanly word (mostly.) Not that it's hard; stop thinking about Cairngorm, and he starts remembering how tired he is from stalking around in the cold - were it just him in the bath, he'd probably end up taking one of his famous cat naps and wake up soggy and lukewarm an hour from now. But it's not just him, and this scenario is infinitely better. The blush creeping up their ears and neck and their rigid posture catch his eye first and foremost, and he breathes out a little fond laugh. ]

Relax. It's just me. You're all right. [ a quiet reassurance. his poor, proud rock... he can't be sure what's going through their head, but he hopes it's not purely stress. Still, Lupin won't deny that there's something particularly wonderful about still having this effect on Cairngorm from time to time, even after everything they've been through. The red cheeks, the shy looks - it makes his heart swell, and he could sweep them up into his arms right now, but he's cognizant of their unease. The water laps at the walls of the tub as he shifts slightly, quietly resting his hand on their side - a gentle, experimental touch. His fingertips are still somewhat cold, even beneath the hot water, but his broad palm is warm against them. ] How's the water? Hot enough? Too hot, maybe?

[ even if he can't imagine it being too hot, considering the frozen state his toes are in at the moment. ]

It's hot.

[ Is their predictable, noncommittal response. It almost comes out like a complaint, despite the fact that the warmth is a necessary salve for how freezing the both of them had been. They shift, just slightly, when they feel his hand at their waist, looking back at him one last time before returning forward, willing their shoulders to relax. It really is just Lupin, they have to remind themself. He'll understand, or try to, if they speak their mind.. ]

...It's hard, when the temperature changes a lot suddenly. [ Their sudden confession is accompanied by their hands resting on the tops of their knees, their brows knitting and their lips pursing. Like they're pouting. ] Too much at once, at least.

[ How else can they explain it to him? It's just overwhelming, or it can be, after a long day. There's never a break from it, feeling everything foreign that being human comes with, that is, and they knew it would be like that, going in. They knew it'd get exhausting from time to time. They'll be fine in a few moment's time, is all they'd wanted to get across, if they endure and get acclimated to the warmness here. It'll be more pleasant than uncomfortable, then. With a sigh, they lean their head back just enough to gently rest against him, compromising with the part of them that wants to lay back fully (their back hurts, and deep inside, they're thinking about how they haven't had any time to hold each other today) and the part of them that would rather stay where they are (it's embarrassing, and they don't want to draw any more attention to their stranger figure.) ]

Just another thing I have to get used to...

[ a tired mumble. They close their eyes, but their expression doesn't ease wholly. ]

[ "well, it's supposed to be" is on the tip of his tongue, but he swallows the words as they continue in one of their rare moments of openness - less rare than they used to be, but all the more important to hear out for that reason. And, not for the first time (and certainly not for the last), they bring up something bothering them that Lupin wouldn't even have considered, for all his powers of observation. There are countless aspects of the human experience that he simply doesn't think about because they've been constant in his life from the start. Things like eating and breathing and other biological tasks, he'd known would be hard to get used to, but things like changing temperatures and the sheer volume of new sensations they'd be dealing with at once aren't as obvious.

He frowns slightly behind them, quiet and contemplative for a moment. When Cairngorm had first voiced their desire to become human, he'd opposed it. In the end, of course, it was their choice, and he was touched by the sheer strength of their feelings for him, that they'd give up so much of themself just to be closer to him and to stay with him. Lupin enjoys the moments they can share together as humans, like this one; he's put at ease, to some degree, knowing that they won't be living an eternal life mourning him once he passes. But, just as before, the worry that they've sacrificed too much persists. Truthfully, it's a constant undercurrent in his mind; he's merely skilled at not letting it show.

But what can he say? The deed is done, and they're no longer a gem. The only cure for their human problems is time and practice. Just about the only thing Lupin can do to help is to support them. Where they hesitate, he pushes forward to meet them in the middle; the hand at their side loops around to rest on their stomach, quietly inviting them to lean into him more. He wants to hold them, too - he always does. ]

Yeah, it is, [ he replies, honest and slightly apologetic. ] It's a bit of a shock for everyone. Even me. I've just done it a thousand times, so I don't think about it anymore.

[ a beat. ]

But you've been doing a good job, you know. Amazing, actually. [ they can keep up with him when he goes out, even on a crummy day like today - that's no small feat. He gazes down at their uneasy face, eyes slimming in quiet appreciation. ] I know you'll get used to it all.

[ They only hesitate for a moment before leaning back more fully onto him, easing their shoulders against his chest gently. It's just nerves from doing something they've never done before with him - the two of them have always taken small steps forward, getting closer, first out of necessity and second out of their own reserved and shy personality. That's been helpful in making them trust in him and feel comfortable with him - they just need little pushes sometimes is all, and they're lucky he knows just how and just when to push. In the end, they feel comforted being pulled in like this by him, so they let him do it, giving in to the warmth securing around them. ]

Really...? [ There's doubt in their voice, because - are they doing a good job? On the daily, they're needing for him to explain things to them, help them, slow down for them. Maybe he is just saying that out of consideration for their feelings. ] I don't know...

[ If they're really honest... they're certain there are aspects about this life they will never become fully, fully accustomed to. It will take years to get used to most of it, regardless. Not seeing change for decades or even centuries makes it hard to grapple with a lot of it at once, even for an unusual gem like Cairngorm. They feel him looking down at them, so they meet his eyes, looking stressed as is typical, even beneath the remnants of their flush. ]

It doesn't feel like I'm doing a good job. [ And Cairngorm says as much honestly. They break eye contact with him, pulling their knees up more and nestling in a little closer. Maybe sometimes all they want is to be reassured and cuddled, even if they won't ask for it outright. ] Especially when your work is like that.

[ They feel like they get in the way even more when his job is the way it was today - cold and uncomfortable. ]

[ They really do always look stressed. One day, he'll ease that crease out of their brow - one day. Cairngorm's slight frame fits easily against him, as usual, and even moreso without layers of fabric in the way; they sleep in the same bed more often than not, and Lupin takes full advantage of being able to hold them close the way he couldn't in Chroma, but he's certainly never been this close. They're warm, despite the chill, and he feels it more than the hot water; the sensation of their midriff under his hand is new, too, soft skin over lean muscle. By nature, their relationship had never been very physical, though Lupin would steal kisses any chance he got - and as a result, he finds himself more distracted than he'd thought by this sudden intimacy. His heart's thrumming quick - the one thing he can't hide.

Not that it's a bad thing. Only a little cumbersome when he's trying to provide emotional support, too. He pulls his hand away, but only so that he can circle his arms around their shoulders properly, protectively, almost. And when he speaks again, it's after resting his chin against their hair, mud and rainwater be damned. ]

You are. It usually takes humans ten or twenty years to figure all of this "being human" business out, you know - you're light years ahead of the average person. [ he smiles, shifting to lay his cheek against their hair, instead. ] Although, of course, you've never been average.

[ average wouldn't hold his interest! ]

I wouldn't take you with me if I didn't think you could keep up. That'd put both of us in danger.

[ that's the truth, too. It's only recently he's started to invite them along. If anything did happen, Lupin would, naturally, break out of whatever jail he got sent to and save them, in his dashing way -- but he'd rather avoid all that trouble completely. A good thief doesn't get caught. Plus, the idea of Cairngorm being thrown in some dirty prison cell makes his blood pressure rise. ]

[ If there's one good change they've made after all this time, it's that when he wraps his arms around them, they don't lock up like they always used to. This is what they wanted, after all... to just relax and give into the comfort that being held like this brings. They feel more secure with his arms wound around them - they like the feeling of being surrounded, being held in, they've found, ever since their relationship with him could be more physical. They slowly meld into pliancy when he rests his head on theirs, keeping their back pressed flush against his chest. ]

If you're sure... [ Then that's all they need to hear. For now, at least. Nothing can really assuage their worry instantly, but his steadfast confidence is reassuring. ] You have to tell me if I get in your way. I'm serious.

[ That seems to be all they have to say on the matter, if their pushy tone gives him any clue. They would hate it if they made his job harder rather than easier. They're a hardworking person, and capable and smart, too, they know it, not to mention willing to push themself when it comes to this. The issue is that they're afraid that alone won't be enough to keep up. Even if they'd like to go with him, they'd take sitting alone at home before dragging him down, or worse, endangering his life...

Their hands, now warmer, reach up to where his wrists are around them, taking each gently between their delicate fingers. Not so subtly, one of their thumbs presses against the soft skin there, feeling for his pulse idly, like they're just exploring. It's so fast, is what they're thinking to themself, probably as fast as their own. Cairngorm doesn't think they'll ever stop being fascinated by this; physical signs of emotion, having an effect on him like he does on them, that is. He probably thinks it's a weird alien habit of theirs, but they don't mind if he does. ]

Are you nervous...?

[ He'd likely never admit it if he was, but the question comes out regardless, even their slight movement causing ripples in the water. ]

[ he gives an affirmative hum in response to their request. He would tell them - he respects them too much to do otherwise, despite the impression all his pampering them might give. His line of work doesn't allow for many mistakes and missteps. Lupin's no stranger to making risky decisions, but he draws the line when it comes to endangering the two of them together. But it's as they're thinking - they're smart, tough, and capable, and Lupin knows it, too. The only reason they're struggling is because they are, quite literally, in an entirely new body. As time passes, he knows they'll probably excel at whatever they apply themself to. (Or maybe he's biased...)

Their second comment, however, gives him much more pause. He's used to their interest in his heartbeat - finds it cute, even, in a strange sort of way. He's not so used to them questioning him about it directly. ]

Not -- nervous, exactly. [ the fact that he stumbles on his words even a little probably suggests otherwise. He's more nervous now that he's tasked with figuring out how to word this. ] It's more like... excited, I suppose. Anxious. Somewhere in between there. Truth be told, it's hard for me to think straight around you.

[ he can admit that much, although he's sure he's told them before. As he speaks, he tilts his head, nuzzling just barely into their hair, letting his eyes fall shut. Just as they like to be embraced, he loves to hold them. That singular day in Chroma they'd turned human, he couldn't stop himself - now they're that way all the time, and he feels like he'd be liable to snatch them up and never let go if he could get away with it. They're small and light and always have something troubling them, it seems, and Lupin always wants to wrap them up in his arms and take it all away, fill their head with thoughts of him, instead. He hugs them just a little bit tighter, laughing under his breath. ]

Hypocritical coming from the one who just told you to relax, I know.

...You're excited just sitting here?

[ A joke. One of their long legs stretches out, and they sigh at the now more comfortable temperature of the water. They're only joking because from the completely neutral standpoint, there's nothing exciting about sitting quietly in a tub of water while half-frozen and still somewhat muddy. They know he's making it about them, and as usual, they don't know how to parry with being thought of as someone to be nervous around, or to be excited around, even if they take it with more grace now than they have in the past.

With a hum, they move their hands to just hold his forearms gently where they're wrapped around them, looking up as if they'd be able to see his face from where he's resting on top of their head. Truth be told, they're still feeling a little nervous, too, but given some time to acclimate to the situation, they're more okay with it than they thought. Being this close is nerve-wracking, but it's also because it's him that they're able to become comfortable slowly - it feels safe when he's hugging them tight like this. He's the only one who's ever put them at ease, so why should they be nervous? ]

Am I that distracting?

[ Their tone is one that's half curious, half joking (dry delivery, as is typical.) ]

[ their deprecating joke gets a snort out of him, and one gets the impression that he's feeling mildly defensive about it, but he doesn't engage with words any further. The last thing he wants to do is start explaining how "just sitting here" with them almost in his lap and separated from him only by hot water would make him anxious; even Lupin's brazen confidence has its limits.

But that's only one facet of the situation. He's also relaxing after a long day of sneaking and subterfuge, enjoying the warmth from Cairngorm's skin seeping into his heart as much as the heat of the bath easing his tired muscles, feeling ticklishly, pleasantly aware of just how large a portion of his life he's allowed to share with them. When they start shifting under his chin, he loosens his arms around their shoulders, allowing him to lean back enough to meet their eyes. ]

You are, [ he answers simply, although something about his smile suggests he only barely held back from making a flowery comment. ] You're the most captivating person I've ever met.

[ one hand lifts to their face, wiping away a smudge of dirt on their cheek with his thumb, and he grins teasingly. ] Mud in your hair aside.

[ The swipe on their cheek gets them to frown indignantly, turning over to face him more directly. ]

You've got some, too. [ They huff, reaching up with their thumb and scrubbing at mud splashed across the bridge of his nose. There's a little extra pressure even, just for the teasing. Just enough to be noticeable, and not enough to be harmful. ] Probably even more than me.

[ His hair is LONGER and therefore there's more room for DIRT!! Being practical and getting huffy over being teased is the only thing they can think to do to sidestep his complimenting, even if they are keeping note of it - that's just typical for them to not acknowledge it head on. Besides, they're enjoying the regular dynamic between them offsetting the more irregular situation at hand; it feels more comfortable that way. Breaking eye contact with him, they glance at the state of his hair with a flat expression - then they just blink slowly. ]

Definitely more.

[ he lets them get their revenge, nose wrinkling and eyes pinching shut at the attack while his grin persists. ]

Always the hair with you. Is there something you're trying to tell me?

[ is there a problem with his STYLE, Cairngorm?? He can only imagine what they'd say if they saw how long his hair used to be as a teen. Still, they might have a point. Somewhat grimly, he lets go of them and touches a hand to his hair, which is cold, damp, and, as suspected, slightly gritty. Lupin sighs. ]

... They've really got to repave some of those back roads.

[ he might have been ashamed of Cairngorm having to see him looking less-than-perfect in the past, but -- well, look at the two of them now. As much as he always wants to impress them, there's something to be said for having someone who can see him when he's not a glamorous phantom thief and still want him. Then again, their relationship has always been like that, he supposes - they never got to see him in his element until recently. Maybe that's why falling in love with them was so easy. He sits up a little, knees rising up out of the water at Cairngorm's sides as he reaches past them to grab the shower head. ]

I'm just saying. Your hair is longer, so it's messier...

[ As of right now, that is, and - they wont' say it aloud, but it's the case for all the other times that the two of them aren't covered in mud and rainwater. It's not like they care what he chooses to do with his hair on the day-to-day side of things; they're simply stating a fact that it's messy by their standards. Someone would come at him with a comb eventually if they were back in the world of gems!!

When he sits up to get the shower head, they shift to make it easier for him, even if for a second they suspect that he might try something funny and spray them. He wouldn't do that after the day they've both had, right? Probably not. Probably. That doesn't stop them from eyeing the shower head suspiciously for a second.

They sigh, sitting up a little themself to grab at the scented soap resting in its dish adjacent to the tub, nose wrinkling. ]

Do you like lavender?

[ no appreciation for his carefully disheveled bad boy look...

also, Cairngorm is absolutely right to suspect him, because he definitely thinks about it for a second or two before deciding they'd kill him if he doused their face with it right now. Even if it's really tempting to tease them. It would be a shame for them to run off and get grouchy with him after he managed to get them in here with him. So, instead, he simply hesitates innocently for a moment before fielding their question. ]

I like every kind of flower, [ he answers simply, and it is the truth - really, scented soap still seems like a luxury to him, even all these years later, so he doesn't usually think too hard about it. ] Although I believe that one's from the Count. You don't like it?

[ NOT HIS FAULT!!

... he was intending to start washing their hair, however, even if he decided not to spray them for fun. Lupin pulls his free hand in again, resting his palm between their shoulderblades just below their neck, gently inviting them to lean forward a little. Their back is broad, strong and angular compared to the slender shapes that make up the rest of their body, he thinks. Even so, his hand looks large silhouetted against it. They're delicate - otherworldly, still, despite the human warmth he feels under his fingers now. He can so easily imagine the expanse of crystal he'd felt there once before, briefly, applying their powder. He remembers wanting to touch them like this then, too.

Lupin shakes his head faintly. ]

Here. Close your eyes - I'll handle some of that hair care you're so concerned about.

It's not that I don't like it.

[ They correct him, doing what he's prompting them to do and leaning forward more, even if he's clearly teasing them with the second half of what he says. ]

I was just wondering, because there's so many different kinds...

[ With that, they close their eyes, balancing the soap bar on the lip of the tub so that he can reach it himself. They do wonder what kind he likes, though a part of them guesses he probably just doesn't care about something like this - it's not like he got the luxury of picking during their stay in Chroma or during adolescence. Still, he smells good when they hold him close, so they are curious... but not enough to ask outright.

The weirdness of the situation is easily forgotten by them in the appeal of not having to do the annoying task of washing their hair with soap - something they never had to deal with for the overwhelming majority of their life. The tired part of them is thinking that, at least. Unsurprisingly, the other part of them is still feeling a little guilty over him doing so much for them all the time - though they're sure if they raise the issue he'll just say that he wants to do it, so it doesn't count. Quietly, they draw their knees in a little closer with a sigh - they're being compliant and trying to relax under his touch, deciding to make things as easy as they can for him if he's going to go out of the way. ]

[ their quick correction gives him some pause. He's quiet for a moment, apparently ruminating on the matter. ]

Roses are my favorite.

[ if he had to pick one -- he'd pick that one. It's cliche, certainly, and predictable, but Lupin is far from the type to pick out something obscure for the sake of seeming more sophisticated, especially in front of Cairngorm. While he speaks, he starts rinsing the rainwater out of their hair (gently, not mischievously, thank goodness.) ]

They're beautiful and classic, they smell nice... If I'd planned this out, I'd have put some petals in the tub, at the very least. This mud's not romantic in the least. [ Cairngorm can't see his chagrin, but they might be able to hear it in his tone with how well they know him. He never likes when things aren't perfect. The sentiment he has on his mind seems to be slightly bigger than that, though, as he continues: ] You are doing a good job, Cairn - never doubt that. Still... I'm sorry about today. It wasn't my intention to put you through the wringer like this.

[ their comment about harsh temperature changes earlier is still on his mind, about being unused to things, and the general misery of their appearance when they got back, not to mention the general discomfort around them now -- there are so many things that are second nature to him and treacherously difficult to them. Time and practice will ease them into everything, true; there are also times when they might want to step back for their own peace of mind. Lupin sets the showerhead back in its holder, his palm leaving its steadying position against them so that he can pick up the soap and work it between his hands. They don't have to endure everything with a brave face; he's not testing them. And he can make mistakes in this process, too. ]

[ The warmth of the water feels good running through their hair and down onto their sore muscles, so they close their eyes while he speaks, letting the process relax them more. Only his hand leaving them makes one of their eyes peek open again, looking back in question before remembering he's supposed to be washing their hair - they'd gotten used to his hand on them. ]

It's not your fault it rained. [ They muse, aloofly, hugging their arms around their knees. ] And it's something I need to deal with. I can't avoid these changes forever...

[ It's a fact of life now - having to deal with the weather and the limits of their body. More than that, trying to make things easy on themself is never the path they've taken in life. A part of them feels like they should be able to endure this all already, someway, somehow. ]

And I want to help you. I don't want to stay behind and do nothing... so I have to come. In the rain, too.

[ while Lupin is always performing the elaborate social dance of urging Cairngorm forward without putting too much pressure on them or being too lenient while letting them retain their freedom of choice, Cairngorm themself is almost always refreshingly blunt - if nothing else, Lupin is good at knowing when they're just trying to appease. They're being honest now. He slips his hands into their hair, carefully threading his fingers through the silvery strands. ]

Hah. That's my Cairngorm. Strong as steel.

[ the little laugh lingers in his voice, more fond than teasing, and he continues, massaging the soap into their hair as he speaks. As ever, he's delicate, gentle, and he strikes the balance between hard and soft in his ministrations with mysterious ease, as if his thief's dexterity somehow directly translates into touching them. ]

I suppose I just mean that it's all right if it's hard. No - I know that it is hard. And if it's ever too hard, you tell me - just like how I'll tell you if I think you're not ready yet. Does that sound like a deal?

[ Well, they don't feel particularly strong anymore, but it feels nice to hear the praise, anyway. It's a good thing to be seen as strong and tough, which is all the more reason why they should keep working on being able to endure the elements and all the other problems that come with the human experience.

But, they get distracted from the topic of dealing with struggles as soon as he threads his hands into their hair - at first from the strangeness of the sensation, but second, from the comfortable pressure. They'd thought they'd find it a little invasive to let him do this, but it doesn't feel that way at all. It's the opposite; they're enjoying being taken care of, enjoying the firm massage of his hands. It's nice to share something new with him, they think. Before they forget to answer, they give an affirmative hum to his request, tilting their head back fully into his attentions. ]

Sure, [ They sigh, sort of lazily. They're looking very at ease in the moment - almost too relaxed. ] But let's talk about something else. It's embarrassing to talk about myself like this ...

[ Talking about themself as needing help and needing protection hurts their pride!! ]

[ poor cairngorm...

Lupin can't help grinning to himself at their undisguised deflection. They are awfully cute when they get embarrassed, but -- probably not so much when it's this specific type of embarrassment, so he relents. Seeing them actually relax for once is pretty damn cute, too. He was dog tired the moment he stepped in the door, and he still is, but he figures he has a secret energy reserve when it comes to spoiling Cairngorm. If he was by himself, he would have fallen asleep in here; with them, he's cheerfully awake, if perhaps a little punchy (well-hidden, of course.) ]

As you wish, [ he replies lightly, obsequious, as he continues to run his fingers through their hair. ] Do you like lavender?

[ most of these flowers are probably new to them - or, well, relatively new: they did have the time in Chroma to get used to Earth flora, but compared to the rest of their life, that's not a lot. But if they have a favorite, he wants to know it! It's an easy topic to return to while he works. Truthfully, their hair is short enough that he's already done, but he's enjoying the excuse to touch it, and them. ]

I don't not like it.

[ They answer honestly. It seems to be very popular with the times, as far as they can tell with how abundant lavender soap seems to be in the shops. It's just okay, to them, as there's nothing particular about the color or smell they find themself drawn to. ]

Roses... and daffodils. Those are better.

[ It's more like them to become endeared to flowers because of their interactions with them. When they see roses, they always think of the ones that bloomed outside his house in Ruga, and the one he'd left for them preserved between the pages of Robin Hood. When they see daffodils, they think of the greenhouse, and how much time they'd spent tending and bringing to life one little patch of color in the world. The flowers are more than they seem - they're precious memories. Gems are sentimental like that, finding more attachment to things they can assign meaning to. Other plants are sometimes just.. plants, no matter how pretty they are.

He continues to toy with their hair, and they continue to let him, continuing looking peaceful with their eyes closed and all. The warmth of the bath has returned some color to their skin, any remnant of the shivers or sniffles they'd had half an hour before having completely eroded away. ]

I read that daffodils have lots of meanings. [ Flower language in the Victorian era is a topic that has a lot of literature on it... they've seen a few things. But they're sure Lupin knows all about it. ] "New beginnings" was one, among other things...

[ Do they really understand why plants have to represent multiple meanings? Not really. But they enjoy the "new beginnings" as one, as much as a gem can enjoy symbolism. If they had to pick one, a flower that's sentimental to them that represents starting a new life is not a bad one to pick. ]

[ the significance of those flowers isn't lost on him in the slightest - not only in the flower language sense, because Cairngorm is right, he does know all about that, but in the meaning they hold for the two of them specifically, too. If he had a tail, he'd be wagging it. Those things were important to him, too - the daffodils all the more so, knowing they moved Cairngorm even a little. ]

Oh? You're catching onto me now.

[ more of his little secret ways of telling them things - the daffodils were more than a simple coincidence back then, too, constrained in choice as he might have been. He runs his fingers through their hair one last time before releasing them, resting his hands on their shoulders, at least for a moment. ]

Good choices. They suit you. [ and look, they agree on something for once - roses! ] New beginnings, and daffodils bring luck for the future, too. I was betting on a little of both.

[ back when they planted them. even that far back, he was hoping for a future with them to somehow work out. ]

[ They look back at him with some measured skepticism, breathing out a huff. ]

Are you trying to say you picked those out on purpose? [ It certainly wouldn't be the first time he communicated to them his thoughts and feelings underneath their nose. That part isn't unlikely. But Chroma was so barren. ] You were really thinking of that back then?

[ Their gaze is piercing, studying him closely for any sign of faltering. Cairngorm always finds evidence of prolonged effort for their sake hard to believe, but in this case, they simply want to know just how long he'd been thinking about trying to reach this future. He'd said he'd been thinking about it for some time when he'd finally brought the idea of them coming to London with him up. But they'd never investigated further than that. ]

[ they'll see his usual confident smile when they glance up, although he can't help but crack a little, raising an eyebrow as he shrugs and his smile turns to something a little more honest and amused. ]

Well, that, and the fact that they'd bloom early in spring, and actually grew in the town. There weren't too many flowers that fit my criteria. [ that said... ] But you bet I was thinking about it - I've got a mind for details.

[ Especially when it comes to romance - and to Cairngorm. It's far from the most ridiculous (and meticulous) thing he's done for someone important to him. He lets one hand sink back into the water, cupping it in his palm and dropping it on their head a bit playfully. ]

Back then... I was already starting to think I couldn't let you go.

[ Getting playfully splashed evokes a little sound of displeasure from them, but no further retaliation aside from them averting their gaze back forward. ]

It's not like I wanted to either, back then. [ They confess, expression neutral. ] But I felt hopeless.

[ They had an inescapable duty, and a lifespan that would long outlast him. Any temporary prolonging they could create out of the situation felt like it still wouldn't be enough - only this turn of events could have ever set that sense of hopelessness at ease. In this, Cairngorm thinks they're different from each other. Cairngorm's mind had always been occupied with thoughts of letting him go, how they would eventually deal with it - rather than being something to avoid, it'd been something to prepare for. A fact of nature and fate. ]

Watching those flowers bloom... it made me hope we'd be stuck there for longer.

OPEN POST 2019

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