tunasub | MISTLETOE MEME REDUX

[ There's a beat or two after he responds, watching him for any little sign that might give them more information about why he's leaving it there, but obviously there's none there, or at least none that they can pick up on. Then, they cast their gaze off to the side, trying to reconfigure their previous understanding that in general, people avoid kissing anyone else other than the one they're supposed to be with.

Well, it's probably just a dumb tradition. ]

What's the point in leaving it there when I know where it is... [ It's true, they don't doubt their ability to pointedly avoid this space if they have to. ] Or, what, you're gonna try to trick others, too?

[ It might be phrased like a loaded question, but it isn't supposed to be one. They don't seem visibly bothered at all; just aloofly curious about what they assume to be the latest tradition they can't understand perfectly. ]

[ there's something on their mind - he can see it in that ever-deepening crease between their brows and baleful stare - but he can't guess what it is, aside from the aforementioned worry he's going to kiss them more. (And if they're actually stressing about that, he'll feel really guilty.)

But it's not that. Their reasoning clicks into place instantly as soon as they say that; he blinks, then laughs softly under his breath. ]

Are you worried I will? [ it seems silly to him -- but it's a sensible worry, especially for a gem who doesn't really understand this tradition, and for one who's probably seen him flirting with others in the past. He's had a few people call him a ladykiller here, in fewer words. But he's not. Lupin reaches out, gently brushing his fingertips through the sweep of hair framing their face. They might not look bothered, but he wants to nip the possibility in the bud. ] Don't be. Trick or not, I don't let just anyone get that close to me, you know.

[ At that, they make eye contact for a short moment, before keeping their glance to the side, especially as he brushes his hand through their hair. Their arms come to fold loosely across their chest, a quiet and subtle move of defense. ]

I wasn't worried.

[ Of course they're going to deny it. Back at that palace they hadn't been able to process why the idea of Lupin kissing other people would make them— not jealous, but more like disappointed. Here, they're able to articulate their feelings a little better, if only to themself. ]

I was just wondering. It's your weird holiday, so do whatever...

[ He seems to take this Christmas stuff pretty seriously, so it would follow that he'd participate in these traditions seriously, too, maybe. He's laughing, even if its under his breath, so that's all the more reason to act like they don't care. Even if he was going to kiss others, if it was the normal way of things in human tradition world, then they'd have to get over it. ]

[ sure, he takes it seriously, but he feels like Cairngorm's taking it even more seriously - which he finds endearing, fortunately. It really is just decoration. He put it up for fun; he only considered invoking the silly tradition once Cairngorm entered the house. Something that would be obvious to a human, but not to a gem, Lupin supposes. His smile only widens. ]

C'mon, you. Don't be like that. [ ignoring their slightly defensive posture, he pushes some of that hair behind their ear, resting his hand along their neck. ] You're so cute I can hardly stand it. How could I even think about kissing anyone else?

[ Their frown deepens at that, looking down at the hand on their neck. ]

I'm not "being" like anything.

[ Or, at least, they're not trying to. They're just being their usual self, and it is true that this is his dumb holiday. Their hand rests over his at their neck, debating between removing it and not - he's always saying such embarrassing stuff. It'd be annoying if it wasn't so unfamiliar and kind to them. ]

And besides, I don't know. Humans do all sorts of weird traditions without fail... [ Who's to say this isn't one of them!!! Maybe it's completely normal, and they're just unaware. ] I ask because I don't know about them, or how they're supposed to be. That's all.

[ Lupin shakes his head. Yes, he knows they're clueless. He also knows they don't see any value in themself. ]

It's just silly fun - no one has to do it if they don't want to. Frankly, if anyone else wanted to, I'd tell them that they missed their chance.

[ a pause; he tilts his head at them. ]

"Do whatever," huh... You can be a little more selfish with me, you know.

Be more selfish with you...?

[ They repeat it back, equal parts confused and disbelieving. When you barely have any control over your own self, it doesn't really come naturally to them to try to control other people's lives, unless of course its in the situation where they're just trying to keep someone in line for their safety. And he's right, they don't have any value placed in their personhood, especially not enough to feel justified to keep him to themself. ]

What do you mean by that?

You don't have to let me "do whatever," tradition or not. You wouldn't like it if I went around pulling that trick on someone else, right? You don't have to be okay with it. I mean...

[ he purses his lips, thinking. How to put this? It's a little abstract, and it's hard to express in a way that doesn't sound like him telling them how to feel - which is the last thing he wants. But he feels a little guilty sometimes for how much he takes from Cairngorm - affection, especially - while they ask for nothing in return. ]

I'm yours. You don't have to share me with anyone. You know? If you ever want anything of me - anything at all - all you have to do is say so, and I'll listen. [ a hapless smile; he strokes the little sliver of icy skin not covered by their collar with the edge of his thumb tenderly. They can't feel his warmth anymore, and he'll never feel any softness from them, but he continues with these little touches all the same. ] Even if it's silly.

[ They've been working on trying to accept his affections with more grace, but they still end up feeling so overwhelmed when he says things like this. When he touches them so gently. His words feel like they twist sweetly through them, leaving an ache in their chest. For a long moment, they're silent, stroking their thumb against the back of his hand. ]

Then... I wouldn't like it. I guess.

[ To share him with anyone else. Having someone or something all to themself; that's a desire they hadn't been able to articulate until very recently. But he's usually coaxing them towards control and choice, so it feels slightly less daunting to express how they feel. They know that he's smiling, but they can't bring themself to look at him. ]

Because— I don't want to, with anyone else.

[ And they want him to feel the same way - he already said so, but they don't know. It's obvious to everyone that Lupin is the only one they'd ever let so close to them. It's not as obvious with him. The idea of not having to accept something, even if its the way things are, is so foreign to them that it didn't occur to them to ask him to behave differently on the account of their feelings. ]

[ they won't know how his pulse flutters when they tell him that. Lupin is trying to help them come into their own more, truly - that's what he's been doing since the start - but there is most definitely a part of him that just wants to hear Cairngorm say these things to him. They're so coy about putting their feelings into concrete words; every time they come out of their shell enough to be honest makes him feel -- special. Loved. And he knows that he's both of those things already - he's Lupin, of course he is! - but to be special and loved by others and to be special and loved by Cairngorm are two very different things, and the latter is a rare and hard-won achievement. He tilts his head at them, gently amused; maybe it's good they can't meet his gaze, because he thinks he'd probably kiss them again if they did. ]

Well, neither do I.

[ as he speaks, he sneaks his hand out from under theirs, reaching up to instead unhook the mistletoe from its perch above the doorway. In the same movement, he playfully holds it against their chest in a bid for them to take it from him. ]

Here. You can hang onto this and sleep soundly knowing you're the only one who got any use out of it.

MISTLETOE MEME REDUX

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