tunasub | MISTLETOE MEME REDUX

Hey - hey, quit it. You're gonna take my eye out.

[ as usual, Kiryu's both stupid strong and stupid gentle. Nishikiyama flinches away from his touch with a small laugh, not out of dislike as much as self-consciousness (and yeah, a little worry about accidentally getting a thumb in the eye), finally pulling away from him enough to roughly mop up the forming tears with the back of his hand. They're still standing more than close enough together that if Reina happened to come out and check what that thump on the wall was, then she'd definitely -- well, he'd rather not think about that, actually. Belatedly, he hopes nobody happened to look up and see what just transpired.

What did just transpire? He's still all full of nervous energy. Butterflies, even. He still kind of has the feeling he just fucked up really badly. Kiryu's probably the most important person in his entire life, save perhaps Yuko; the thought of losing that friendship scares the shit out of him, frankly. But... they definitely can't go back from what just happened.

Man, he just kissed his oath brother... ]

Uh, I... might have had too much. [ it's not an excuse this time as much as a nervous comment, his voice still sort of wobbly. ] ... You good?

[ for what it's worth, kiryu does not seem to be having the same inner crisis nishiki apparently is, as the other pulls away. like always, he's taking the whole thing in stride, his expression still neutral as ever, if he ignores the blood still rushing to his cheeks. a less experienced eye might think he's mad, but his hackles are not raised, his eyes are not narrowed.

someone who's been around him for years would know things are okay, on his end. ]

... Yeah. [ he pauses. are either of them in any position to talk, to acknowledge what just happened? probably not, with the booze and prospect of feelings flying around... still, kiryu can't help but to at least say, ] Nishiki...

[ he utters it softly, with concern. he's pretty sure he's fine himself, but... ]

[ to be fair, Kiryu always looks mad. Nishiki knows he's not. He's just trying to feel out how confused Kiryu is. Or regretful. The answer is apparently "not at all," which simultaneously does not surprise him and makes him go even redder. He's fine with it? Really? Sure, he sort of already said he was -- kind of -- but still... Maybe he really is thinking too much. Kiryu's worried about him. He's on the spot again; he fidgets. ]

I'm fine. Just... I didn't think you'd go for it. I mean, not that I was planning this, or... shit, I don't know. You -- you mean the world to me, Kiryu. You know that, right?

[ he manages to meet his eyes; he can say that much with confidence, at least, even if his own eyes are still kind of watery. He hazily thinks he wants to kiss him again, but he doesn't want to freak him out. Or freak himself out, either, honestly. ]

Of course. Together 'til the day we die.

[ he doesn't know if he should risk kissing nishiki again, either. he's pretty sure, based on both their reactions, about their positive feelings on the matter; they can figure out what to call it later... but even though they were literally just kissing, it still somehow feels too fast? like maybe there should be some other steps to this, like maybe there's a certain order they should be done in...

. . .

tentatively, experimentally, he reaches out for nishiki's hand, though he stops just short of taking it himself. again, he doesn't want to overstep any lines, whether or not his senses are still addled or not by the alcohol. ]

[ he meets him halfway; when he feels Kiryu's hand hesitantly brush his, he goes ahead and takes it, praying he's not somehow misreading that signal, even though he knows he isn't. All of this is just so very new, and he feels like the two of them combined have managed about half a thought about it. Which is about how things normally go, actually. The reply does set him at ease a little more, reminds him that their bond isn't that flimsy, and he offers a clumsy smile. ]

Yeah. Damn straight.

[ that's what matters, right? They're together. The details, they can be whatever - as long as they stick together, he doesn't care. And for the moment, at least, they seem to be on the same page. ]

Can I... crash at your place? We, uh, shouldn't do this here. And I'm freezin' my ass off.

[ he doesn't have any ulterior motives or anything - kiryu's house is just closer, and he doesn't want to drive like this... ]

"This"...?

[ kiryu slowly repeats in confusion, because still being kind of buzzed isn't leaving him much brainpower to process things... and neither is having nishiki's hand clasped around his.

it probably isn't the first time it's happened, but it's been years since then. kiryu briefly remembers being around eight or nine—he had insisted on hearing kazama calling them for dinner, but nishiki didn't quite want to go back after enduring a lecture earlier in the morning. "c'mon, we don't have to listen to him, bro, let's just keep playing..." he can recall younger nishiki's voice and the way he stubbornly tugged at his hand so clearly, wondering if that moment was as much of a hint toward this moment as it was toward their future delinquency and induction into the dojima family...

... but, ah—back in the present, it finally clicks, and kiryu simply nods. ]

Ah... yeah. You can stay as long as you want.

[ . . .

he lets a few more seconds pass, then squeezes nishiki's hand. ]

Edited 2019-05-11 04:16 (UTC)

[ please don't make Nishiki explain what "this" is, he doesn't know either!! that's the problem!! but he's glad he can rely on ol' Kiryu to not take things in a suggestive way, even when he's tipsy. After making a face at his confused comment, he shakes his head, feeling even more embarrassed. ]

You're so dense... Come on.

[ ignoring how that squeeze makes his heart do a small flip (it's fucking Kiryu, he insists to himself, why are you like this!), he starts pulling Kiryu along with him as he descends the stairs, although his gait is considerably unstable. Not surprising, considering how much he just drank. ]

Oi... don't make me change my mind.

[ it's an empty threat, of course, but the jab helps make things feel normal, like nothing between them needs to change.

it's a wonder the two of them are able to make it down the stairs unscathed at all, but they somehow manage. kiryu isn't sure how they would've been able to explain themselves if they'd fallen into a drunken mess of a pile, so he figures nishiki would be exponentially more embarrassed, because even if it would be easy to blame things on the alcohol, the idea of lying alongside nishiki on the ground has his cheeks flushing again, especially as he remembers there's only really one place to sleep in his apartment and even then it's small so they'd have to be so close to fit—

damn. you kiss your best friend a couple of times and suddenly you're thinking about shit like this. somewhere in the back of his mind, he hopes, aside from the color of his face, none of that translated to any readable sort of expression. ]

[ congratulations on walking down the stairs, boys. Even more impressive is the fact that they're able to wrangle a taxi, especially considering the time of year - but the snow isn't too heavy, and it seems like most partygoers are already done for the night. Kamurocho isn't most peoples' ideal location for a family Christmas party, unsurprisingly. Nishikiyama's practically forgotten that it's a holiday and how all of this started, at this point. The only thing he's thinking about is Kiryu, and the warm, solid hand in his own. When they squeeze into the back seat, he sits closer than he usually does, allows himself the satisfaction of leaning his shoulder against Kiryu's, even if it's as much legitimately feeling tired and overstimulated as it is affection. This much doesn't feel unnatural at all. ]

We're gonna be dead to the world tomorrow morning, [ he comments, idly, sounding the same as ever even though he's thinking everything's going to be different. Casting a glance sideways, he steals a glimpse of Kiryu's face, and snorts out a little laugh. ] What's the weird face for?

[ like there aren't a hundred things to be making weird faces about at the moment... but, sitting down, momentarily taken out of the harsh world they live in, he simply feels like Nishikiyama chatting with Kiryu again, like when they were kids and not a pair of yakuza, and it just comes naturally. ]

[ it isn't surprising that kiryu insists nishiki gets into the cab first, only staggering in himself once his brother is seated. there's a part of him that wants to fuss about buckling up (probably due to his natural protective instincts being turned up to 11 by the booze), and he starts to reach across nishiki to look for a seatbelt... but all that goes out the window once nishiki shifts his weight onto him; after that, kiryu is content to sit back for the short ride home.

that contact doesn't help, though, especially once nishiki so plainly calls him out. kiryu merely shakes his head. ]

Nothing. Maybe the beer's finally rushing to my head. [ as an afterthought, his eyes quickly flick up to peek at the rear view mirror—the driver doesn't seem to see anything amiss about the two of them. after all, they're clearly just two drinking buddies who've had a little too much on this holiday night, aren't they? with another small shake, he sighs and tilts his head back. ] I'm surprised Reina didn't stop us... did we even pay?

[ he honestly has no idea. ]

Don't sweat it. She'll put it on my tab if we're missing anything. Reina knows we're not gonna steal from her - she'd bust our asses if we tried that.

[ not that either of them would ever try it in the first place. They might be Bad Boys (TM), but they're pretty good ones. He's a bit leery of the driver, too; still, he doesn't feel like moving away. He's comfortable. Nervous and vaguely nauseous, yet, but comfortable, too. It's hard for him to feel worried for long when he's with Kiryu - always been that way. ]

Mm... good point.

[ and with that, for the remainder of the ride, kiryu just closes his eyes and lets his hand rest in nishiki's. let him have a little reprieve for working his brain into overdrive. this is far past his usual quota of brainpower for a typical day. plus, it's... nice, just being able to relax after everything that's happened to them in the past year and change.

... he might need to be woken up once the cab reaches his place, though. ]

[ that is fair. Nishikiyama could probably fall asleep, too, provided he wasn't still riding a bit of an adrenaline rush. He only realizes Kiryu's passed after he's gone on talking for a little longer without getting a response - at which point he just sighs and sinks back into the seat (and Kiryu's side.) A smoke would hit the spot, but he remembers that his lighter is still in Kiryu's pocket, and he's not about to go rifling through them right now. So he's left alone with his thoughts.

It would probably be worse if he wasn't feeling warmly half-buzzed and sleepy, himself. Before he knows it, they're at the apartment, and he didn't even have time to psyche himself out about it. Cool? After handing the driver a nice stack of bills (probably too many, but he's drunk and it's Christmas, so whatever), Nishiki shakes Kiryu by the shoulders before simply grabbing his arm and tugging it as gets out, himself. ]

Bro, wake up. You're gonna drool on the seats.

[ if it were anyone else trying to wake him, they may have been greeted with a gruff refusal and a disgruntled wave of his arm (or a fist, if they were particularly unlucky), but kiryu easily recognizes nishiki's voice and touch even through his hazy return to consciousness. he lets himself be pulled out of the car, stumbling a little before he properly regains his footing. ]

I guess I didn't realize how tired I was until we sat down.

[ he rolls his shoulders to get his circulation going and make sure he's awake enough that he won't eat shit climbing the stairs. as much as he'd like to sling his arm over nishiki's shoulders again both for support and for what he's pretty sure qualifies as intimacy, the narrow steps leading up to his apartment aren't exactly made for multiple people walking side by side. he instead gestures for nishiki to go first as he follows diligently behind; hopefully without any missteps plaguing them, they reach kiryu's door and he welcomes nishiki in.

it's the same as usual, a typical messy bachelor pad with newspapers stacked in the corner, empty beer cans laying on their sides across the floor. it sure doesn't look like the room of someone whose apartment got firebombed a little less than a year ago, but hey. having some friends around helps speed up the recovery process.

he nods towards the bed before making eye contact with nishiki, his expression resolute. ]

Take my bed. I'll sleep on the floor.

[ he's no stranger to Kiryu's apartment, so he doesn't mind the usual clutter - he's used to it. He closes the door behind him with a sigh that sucks the tension out of his shoulders, like he can finally relax, because that's typically what coming back from Kamurocho to Kiryu's place means. It's not until Kiryu locks eyes with him again that he's reminded that now the two of them are alone and in private, and, oh yeah, their relationship now includes kissing. His immediately divvying up sleeping space gives Nishikiyama pause - not that he isn't tired, too, but he feels like there's no way he's going to fall asleep anytime soon. ]

Wait, wait, wait. You're just gonna knock out again?

[ he's a little jealous of how easily Kiryu is able to handle what life throws his way - the guy's always had nerves of steel. The temptation to just roll over and let him do it is there - it would certainly be easier to go to sleep than figure this out now, and let some of the alcohol wear off, too. But he didn't suggest going back with him because he wanted to go to sleep. After a moment of hesitation, he shifts on his heels, shaking his head. ]

Shouldn't we... talk? I know, I had a lot to drink, and I said all that shit, but I'm not... [ god, here we go. Nishiki takes a breath. ] It wasn't an accident.

Edited 2019-05-13 00:34 (UTC)

[ oh. hm. kiryu really was about to just call it a night. he figured nishiki would want to talk about what happened in the morning, when their heads were at least clear of booze, but... well. now he can't, either—not with nishiki looking at him like that, like he would much, much rather spill out his heart sooner rather than later.

with a nod signaling that he understands, he walks over to the kotatsu in the middle of the room and turns it on, then gestures for nishiki to sit opposite him. even though the heater is still in the process of starting up, climbing underneath the blanketed table is still cozy, especially given the season.

once nishiki is seated and starts talking, kiryu gives his brother his entire attention, regardless of how much he'd just like to drift off just like he'd did in the cab not too long ago. but then, nishiki lets that last bit slip, and kiryu's eyes widen briefly—it's perhaps the most emoting he's done all night. the look persists for only a second more before his face settles back into its usual neutral state, as he chooses the words for his response carefully. ]

I didn't think it was. [ a beat. ] I wouldn't have done it if I thought you were joking.

[ It's a weird feeling. On one hand, Nishikiyama doesn't even know exactly what he wants to say. He hasn't parsed his feelings, either, and he doesn't know if he can tonight, with how much he drank (and how he can feel sleep creeping up, too.) All he knows is that he wanted more of Kiryu's undivided attention tonight, which led to the mistletoe "joke," which wasn't actually a joke, because he wanted to kiss Kiryu, too. And as much as he wishes he could say he "all of a sudden" wanted that, he'd be lying to himself. He's thought about it before. He just always tried to forget about it. How any time he went out on a date, he'd always be thinking of how much he'd rather be hanging out with Kiryu, no matter how nice she was...

On the other hand, as uncertain as he is, his nerves feel dulled, too. How much can he worry, when he's just talking to Kiryu? It feels stupid to be worried about anything around him - even if he's the very subject of those worries. In the end, he's still Kiryu. Nishikiyama plops down across from him, tucking into the kotatsu gratefully to warm up his hands and feet, and, to his credit, he keeps his eyes on Kiryu's, even if catching the full brunt of his gaze is a little heavy at the moment. He wouldn't do it if Nishiki was joking - in other words, he's serious about it. For real. Which he already said, kind of, but... ]

... You think of me like that? [ it feels fucking weak to keep tiptoeing around the subject at hand. god, he sucks. but it'd be weirder to say he loves him as more than a brother or more than a friend when their relationship has always felt stronger than those things in the first place. ] You wanted to kiss me? You're not just drunk, right? 'Cause if you are, I'm gonna kill you later.

I'll be honest—I don't think I've ever really felt like that before.

[ his brow furrows again; he hopes nishiki doesn't take that the wrong way. it isn't so much a lack of interest so much as it was never really a priority for him. he'd always valued the idea of family more than romantic prospects, after all. how does he explain that this is different—that the idea of being in love with nishiki is different—when even he's having a hard time putting it into words...?

... he's thinking too hard about it, isn't he. things always seem to go better when he just says what's on his mind. so, he simply replies, ]

But... when you asked, it felt right to. Then you kissed me back, and I knew it wasn't a mistake.

[ it's Nishiki; of course he's going to take it badly. Because, once again, the thing he's been struggling with for some time now is something that Kiryu never even noticed and then tackled in an instant when he did. And it drives home something else, too - Nishikiyama needs Kiryu, thinks about him all the time (probably too much), but Kiryu doesn't need him. His expression falls, and he sighs, resting his elbows on the kotatsu and lowering his face into his hands. ]

Ugh... You suck, Kiryu.

[ it's half-joking grumpiness, but more of it's real than he'd like, and it's obvious. he knows it's not malicious or anything. Kiryu's just being his usual stupidly straightforward self. It still feels like a punch in the gut, even with him amending that it felt right and not like a mistake. He feels like an idiot for all his dumb girly pining now - and for actually believing Kiryu was secretly doing the same thing. Of course he wasn't. ]

Edited 2019-05-13 19:32 (UTC)

—What? Nishiki?

[ when nishiki deflates before him, kiryu's instantly hit with a wave of guilt, even though he doesn't quite... get why that's the emotion nishiki's reaction evokes. (classic kiryu.) what did he say that was wrong...? is that not what nishiki had wanted to hear?

he hesitates, weighing his options (basically all of them fall under 'bad' or 'worse'), then reaches across the table to try and place his hand on nishiki's arm. if that doesn't reassure him, then... ]

[ at Kiryu's touch, Nishikiyama draws his hands down his face, then brushes one through his hair, forcing himself to get his shit together for a second here. Kiryu's an idiot, so he doesn't even know why Nishiki's upset. No big surprise. It does mean it's his job to figure out how to navigate this now. It still stings like hell. But when he looks up and meets Kiryu's eyes, he sees them looking guilty; there's a hand on his arm trying to reassure him. Not so long ago, they were kissing each other, and Kiryu says he knows it wasn't a mistake... ]

You heard me, you big idiot.

[ he's not taking back that Kiryu sucks, but he's not so insecure that he can ignore all the other things he's said and done tonight, even if it's tempting for him (as always) to focus on the negative. He pauses, licking his lips a little nervously, then continues. ]

... How about now? Do you feel like that now?

[ under normal circumstances, kiryu would be irked, at the very least, by that attack on his intelligence. but he can't exactly argue with nishiki on the matter of his emotional intelligence—not when it's so clearly upset nishiki, and upset himself in turn. he doesn't like that frown, never has—it doesn't suit nishiki at all, who should be playful and confident and animated as a foil to kiryu's............. kiryu-ness. that's all anyone can really call it.

he doesn't even bother trying to think up a verbal response this time, because clearly, good things only happen when he keeps his mouth shut and has his actions speak for him instead. with a small grunt, he pushes himself into a standing position and shuffles over to nishiki's side of the kotatsu. instead of taking a seat beside his oath brother, though, he sits behind him and wraps his arms around nishiki, pressing his forehead into his back, strong brow nestled between his shoulder blades.

only this close does he notice that nishiki... smells nice. not in a creepy way, but like, in a "wow, this person feels like comfort, like home" one? is that weird of him to think? ... either way, he realizes saying that kind of thing would definitely ruin the moment, so he chooses to stay silent, lets himself relax against nishiki's familiar shape. ]

Hey, what're you...

[ he sits up a little straighter when Kiryu suddenly gets to his feet, head lifting to follow him as he moves, and Nishiki honestly has no idea what he's doing until he's already halfway through doing it. He can't help jumping at the unexpected embrace (unexpected, despite the fact that he had his eyes fixed over his shoulder watching his oath brother move), and the color rushes right back into his cheeks, fingers curling nervously into the kotatsu blanket. ]

Oi, Kiryu...

[ does this count as an answer?! Nishikiyama isn't convinced. It's not like it's the first time they've been this close; it is, however, the first time they've been this close with the added caveat of Nishiki having obliquely expressed his feelings a few moments ago. Kiryu will find the muscles of his back stiff and nervous, relaxing effects of the alcohol be damned, and the question hangs in the air, Nishiki frozen in his seat and waiting for the other shoe to drop. ]

[ once again, kiryu refuses to speak—probably for the best, because he legitimately is still just thinking about the fondness he feels thanks to nishiki's familiar scent, and i refuse to type that out in actual fuckin dialogue, even though that's far from the strangest and/or most homoerotic thing you as a player can have kiryu say in canon. you can't make me.

instead, he just leans further into nishiki's back, letting a small hum of reassurance, of approval out of his otherwise reticent lips. the most accurate way to describe the way kiryu embraces nishiki now is... cuddling, honestly, as he turns his head slightly to rest his cheek against nishiki's back.

"let this be the answer i can't really articulate" is the sentiment he hopes his actions get across. ]

[ coward

maybe Kiryu is still drunk and sleepy, and that's why he's doing this. No, Nishikiyama knows for a fact that he's drunk and sleepy - he just wishes he knew if this meant something or if drunken Kiryu has just gotten tired of the conversation and decided to use him as a pillow. "Subtlety" isn't a word in the guy's dictionary, as far as Nishiki knows, and so he's hesitant to assume anything about what he's doing means anything more than exactly what it is. Especially after he just got burned.

Left with no other recourse, Nishiki laughs awkwardly, a mixture of confusion and flusterment. ]

Oi... I'm trying to have a conversation with you. What are you doing? Seriously... You drank too much, bro.

[ "really, though, what are you doing," is unspoken. other than hugging him like a pillow, which is... it's okay. Yeah. He casts an eye over his shoulder again, but it's not like he can really see Kiryu's face from this angle - just a Kiryu-shaped lump that he can feel snuggled up close against his back, anyway. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject