tunasub | MISTLETOE MEME REDUX

[ with the faint sound of christmas carols playing somewhere far off in the distance, kiryu is close enough that nishiki can probably smell the overwhelming aroma of beer on his breath. his brows, like always, are pulled together tightly as he continues to gaze upon nishiki's face... but it's not a fight he seems to be looking for. ]

Are you, Nishiki?

[ his voice is low, but again—not in a threatening way. hm. ]

[ what the fuck (2)

this isn't what he was expecting, either, but...

he doesn't think he's ever seen Kiryu look at him this way? His heart jumps into his throat (embarrassingly; he's a grown-ass man, dammit), and he wonders exactly how drunk Kiryu is to be standing here, putting him in this position -- then again, how drunk is he, taking this joke this far? Nishiki stares right back, but, as usual, his best friend's expression is pretty inscrutable, especially when he himself is feeling so blurry around the edges. All he knows is that his "joke" kinda doesn't feel like a joke anymore.

After a second or two, he tilts his chin up just slightly, both a gesture of defiance and an outward sign he's just a little too cowardly to go ahead and close the distance properly now - because it feels serious, suddenly, looking into his eyes like this. He averts his soon enough, nervous. ]

Aren't you?

[ gotta be. He knows he's not good enough. ]

[ at this point, he can no longer tell if the heat on his face is from the booze or from something else entirely. let's not mince words—even completely sober, this is decidedly not something kiryu would find himself doing, let alone be experienced in it.

then again, it's not like he expected to befriend bootleg michael jackson and steven spielberg like some sort of japanese forrest gump, but here we are. here we fuckin are.

he places his free hand upon nishiki's shoulder to stabilize himself, tilts his head, and very awkwardly, very clumsily, brushes his lips against nishiki's. this whole thing may have started as a stupid joke, but it really doesn't feel like one, anymore.

definitely still stupid, but definitely not a joke. ]

[ he's not sure if he just made a huge mistake or an excellent decision. Because he's definitely up here on Christmas Eve kissing his oath brother, not a hostess or some lonely girl he'd managed to round up - no, it's fucking Kiryu, his stupid, reckless, wonderful oath brother who he could never ever replace even if he wanted to, and he's not sure he can go back from this, even if he pretends he doesn't remember tomorrow and acts like he was just sloshed out of his mind. Worse, he doesn't even think he wants to. Holy shit, Kiryu really did it. Nishiki's too shocked to really respond in kind.

But... it's good. It's really good. Maybe he's just drunk. But, frankly, he doesn't feel half as drunk as he wants to think he is. And, in the back of his head, he's thinking this might have never been a joke at all. He laughs a little, quiet, embarrassed, a little starry-eyed, probably; his face is so red, but so is Nishiki's. ]

Shit, what was that? You never kiss anyone before, or...

[ he doesn't finish; he gets distracted, fingers grasping at the collar of Kiryu's stupid red shirt as he leans in to kiss him again. The alcohol makes him clumsy, too, but there's something else behind it, a cocktail of tenderness and some sort of desperation. ]

[ only after nishiki pulls away to laugh does kiryu realize he just gave his own first kiss away to his oath brother. in a way, it's a sobering thought, though there's no way in hell a simple kiss like that would actually clear the alcohol haze from his system.

in response to that question—or tease, he can't really tell? that's just how nishiki is and how he's always been but there's something else about it now—kiryu's face turns even redder, forgetting momentarily how to string sounds together in order to form words. ]

Of course no—

[ —ah, but then he's cut off as his mouth is suddenly occupied once again. he's not sure why nishiki bothered asking him something if he was just going to end up mashing their lips together again anyway!!

on the one hand, he's surprised that nishiki returns his... impulsive show of affection (is that what this is?). on the other... he isn't, exactly, for all those reasons mentioned above.

while nishiki takes the fabric of kiryu's collar between his fingers, kiryu laces his at the small of nishiki's back. he stumbles forward a little, losing his balance for just a fleeting moment, before he rights himself again. it just happens that in doing so, he ends up pressing his body against nishiki's, further flattening him against the wall. ]

[ listen, he started kinda wanting to make fun of kiryu but then he realized he wanted to actually kiss him halfway through and his mind prioritized the latter over the former -- besides, he doesn't know why he asked. "Of course not," indeed. He's sure he would have heard about it if Kiryu had ever actually gotten a girlfriend, but he never did. So that means Nishiki just took his first kiss? Damn. The thought makes him sort of giddy, in a stupid way. He's embarrassed at himself yet again. God, what are they doing...

Yet at the same time, he's not. Somehow, it feels natural to be kissing him. He's always adored Kiryu, hasn't he? Trusted him more than anyone, believed in him more than anyone, wanted to be with him more than anyone... Should he be embarrassed? Kiryu's kissing him back, isn't he? Maybe he's thinking too hard, making things more complicated than they should be - he's prone to that. Nishiki catches him a bit as he stumbles, not enough to keep Kiryu from pinning him more, but he doesn't mind or feel trapped or even overpowered; he just feels warm and a little dizzy, the familiar weight of Kiryu's arms and body around him in such an unfamiliar context. He doesn't stop until he needs to stop, to breathe; even so, the kiss is almost chaste. ]

-- Kiryu, do you...

[ he trails off, kind of breathless, strangely hopeful. He doesn't know what he wants to hear, but he wants to hear something. Do you want this? Do you think about this, too? Do you love me? ]

[ when nishiki pulls back, kiryu feels a ringing in his ears, a spinning inside his head. that... all of that happened. all of that was real. much like most things in life, he isn't sure how to feel about any of this, he doesn't know how he should feel about this. he almost wants to take some time to try and feel this out—

then nishiki asks that unfinished question, looks at him with those eyes—bright brown eyes he's known his entire life, but never in so much vibrant detail as he observes now—and kiryu knows he needs to give him an answer right now. ]

... mm.

[ the hum itself may be ambiguous, but kiryu's actions have always, always spoken louder than his words. so even if the initial kiss had been the result of one too many shots and a joke taken a little too far, the one he plants on nishiki's lips this time around is deliberate. it's the right answer. he knows. ]

[ it's absolutely selfish of him to ask. Both of them are drunk, neither of them know what they're doing, and he assumes Kiryu knows what he's doing even less than Nishiki does, because that's usually how things play out (even though it always works out for Kiryu in the end anyway.) But he wants to hear it. For tonight, his pride's out the window. He wants the validation - to know this is about him.

Kiryu gives it to him. Maybe not in as many words, but he hadn't asked in as many, either. And he presses back, fervent and soft, feeling a prickling behind his eyes and willing himself not to fucking do this right now in spite of the huge sea of emotions (and booze) roiling in his gut because he wants to hold onto at least a scrap of his dignity. Not that it really matters, in the end: Kiryu's seen him cry a million times, and, evidently, he didn't care. Nishiki's arms wind around his back, resting a hand against the nape of his neck, and laughs a little against his lips, nervous, happy, disbelieving.

(God, this was never a joke, was it? He just didn't wanna admit how deep his love for Kiryu actually went - didn't think it'd go both ways. Drinking's finally done him one favor in life: giving him the dumbass courage to try something after all this time.) ]

[ even in this state of mind (if either of them is even really using that as an excuse anymore, because it's quickly becoming clear that it isn't), kiryu can truly appreciate nishiki's soft laughter and the hand at the back of his neck. he's just happy to know that nishiki is happy, because if anyone deserves to have something good happen in their life... well, who the hell else would kiryu choose?

from years of experience, kiryu can also tell from the way that nishiki's lips subtly tremble against his that his best friend is starting to choke back familiar sobs and cries, even with his own eyes closed. it's never been something kiryu has judged him for—he's only ever been around to listen to nishiki's troubles, to lend a shoulder to cry on. so it's only natural that he lifts a hand and—well, it takes him a couple of tries to properly place his thumb against nishiki's cheek, once just barely missing poking him right in the eye, but when he finally manages—ready himself to wipe away any tears that may leak out the corner of his brother's eyes. ]

Hey - hey, quit it. You're gonna take my eye out.

[ as usual, Kiryu's both stupid strong and stupid gentle. Nishikiyama flinches away from his touch with a small laugh, not out of dislike as much as self-consciousness (and yeah, a little worry about accidentally getting a thumb in the eye), finally pulling away from him enough to roughly mop up the forming tears with the back of his hand. They're still standing more than close enough together that if Reina happened to come out and check what that thump on the wall was, then she'd definitely -- well, he'd rather not think about that, actually. Belatedly, he hopes nobody happened to look up and see what just transpired.

What did just transpire? He's still all full of nervous energy. Butterflies, even. He still kind of has the feeling he just fucked up really badly. Kiryu's probably the most important person in his entire life, save perhaps Yuko; the thought of losing that friendship scares the shit out of him, frankly. But... they definitely can't go back from what just happened.

Man, he just kissed his oath brother... ]

Uh, I... might have had too much. [ it's not an excuse this time as much as a nervous comment, his voice still sort of wobbly. ] ... You good?

[ for what it's worth, kiryu does not seem to be having the same inner crisis nishiki apparently is, as the other pulls away. like always, he's taking the whole thing in stride, his expression still neutral as ever, if he ignores the blood still rushing to his cheeks. a less experienced eye might think he's mad, but his hackles are not raised, his eyes are not narrowed.

someone who's been around him for years would know things are okay, on his end. ]

... Yeah. [ he pauses. are either of them in any position to talk, to acknowledge what just happened? probably not, with the booze and prospect of feelings flying around... still, kiryu can't help but to at least say, ] Nishiki...

[ he utters it softly, with concern. he's pretty sure he's fine himself, but... ]

[ to be fair, Kiryu always looks mad. Nishiki knows he's not. He's just trying to feel out how confused Kiryu is. Or regretful. The answer is apparently "not at all," which simultaneously does not surprise him and makes him go even redder. He's fine with it? Really? Sure, he sort of already said he was -- kind of -- but still... Maybe he really is thinking too much. Kiryu's worried about him. He's on the spot again; he fidgets. ]

I'm fine. Just... I didn't think you'd go for it. I mean, not that I was planning this, or... shit, I don't know. You -- you mean the world to me, Kiryu. You know that, right?

[ he manages to meet his eyes; he can say that much with confidence, at least, even if his own eyes are still kind of watery. He hazily thinks he wants to kiss him again, but he doesn't want to freak him out. Or freak himself out, either, honestly. ]

Of course. Together 'til the day we die.

[ he doesn't know if he should risk kissing nishiki again, either. he's pretty sure, based on both their reactions, about their positive feelings on the matter; they can figure out what to call it later... but even though they were literally just kissing, it still somehow feels too fast? like maybe there should be some other steps to this, like maybe there's a certain order they should be done in...

. . .

tentatively, experimentally, he reaches out for nishiki's hand, though he stops just short of taking it himself. again, he doesn't want to overstep any lines, whether or not his senses are still addled or not by the alcohol. ]

[ he meets him halfway; when he feels Kiryu's hand hesitantly brush his, he goes ahead and takes it, praying he's not somehow misreading that signal, even though he knows he isn't. All of this is just so very new, and he feels like the two of them combined have managed about half a thought about it. Which is about how things normally go, actually. The reply does set him at ease a little more, reminds him that their bond isn't that flimsy, and he offers a clumsy smile. ]

Yeah. Damn straight.

[ that's what matters, right? They're together. The details, they can be whatever - as long as they stick together, he doesn't care. And for the moment, at least, they seem to be on the same page. ]

Can I... crash at your place? We, uh, shouldn't do this here. And I'm freezin' my ass off.

[ he doesn't have any ulterior motives or anything - kiryu's house is just closer, and he doesn't want to drive like this... ]

"This"...?

[ kiryu slowly repeats in confusion, because still being kind of buzzed isn't leaving him much brainpower to process things... and neither is having nishiki's hand clasped around his.

it probably isn't the first time it's happened, but it's been years since then. kiryu briefly remembers being around eight or nine—he had insisted on hearing kazama calling them for dinner, but nishiki didn't quite want to go back after enduring a lecture earlier in the morning. "c'mon, we don't have to listen to him, bro, let's just keep playing..." he can recall younger nishiki's voice and the way he stubbornly tugged at his hand so clearly, wondering if that moment was as much of a hint toward this moment as it was toward their future delinquency and induction into the dojima family...

... but, ah—back in the present, it finally clicks, and kiryu simply nods. ]

Ah... yeah. You can stay as long as you want.

[ . . .

he lets a few more seconds pass, then squeezes nishiki's hand. ]

Edited 2019-05-11 04:16 (UTC)

[ please don't make Nishiki explain what "this" is, he doesn't know either!! that's the problem!! but he's glad he can rely on ol' Kiryu to not take things in a suggestive way, even when he's tipsy. After making a face at his confused comment, he shakes his head, feeling even more embarrassed. ]

You're so dense... Come on.

[ ignoring how that squeeze makes his heart do a small flip (it's fucking Kiryu, he insists to himself, why are you like this!), he starts pulling Kiryu along with him as he descends the stairs, although his gait is considerably unstable. Not surprising, considering how much he just drank. ]

Oi... don't make me change my mind.

[ it's an empty threat, of course, but the jab helps make things feel normal, like nothing between them needs to change.

it's a wonder the two of them are able to make it down the stairs unscathed at all, but they somehow manage. kiryu isn't sure how they would've been able to explain themselves if they'd fallen into a drunken mess of a pile, so he figures nishiki would be exponentially more embarrassed, because even if it would be easy to blame things on the alcohol, the idea of lying alongside nishiki on the ground has his cheeks flushing again, especially as he remembers there's only really one place to sleep in his apartment and even then it's small so they'd have to be so close to fit—

damn. you kiss your best friend a couple of times and suddenly you're thinking about shit like this. somewhere in the back of his mind, he hopes, aside from the color of his face, none of that translated to any readable sort of expression. ]

[ congratulations on walking down the stairs, boys. Even more impressive is the fact that they're able to wrangle a taxi, especially considering the time of year - but the snow isn't too heavy, and it seems like most partygoers are already done for the night. Kamurocho isn't most peoples' ideal location for a family Christmas party, unsurprisingly. Nishikiyama's practically forgotten that it's a holiday and how all of this started, at this point. The only thing he's thinking about is Kiryu, and the warm, solid hand in his own. When they squeeze into the back seat, he sits closer than he usually does, allows himself the satisfaction of leaning his shoulder against Kiryu's, even if it's as much legitimately feeling tired and overstimulated as it is affection. This much doesn't feel unnatural at all. ]

We're gonna be dead to the world tomorrow morning, [ he comments, idly, sounding the same as ever even though he's thinking everything's going to be different. Casting a glance sideways, he steals a glimpse of Kiryu's face, and snorts out a little laugh. ] What's the weird face for?

[ like there aren't a hundred things to be making weird faces about at the moment... but, sitting down, momentarily taken out of the harsh world they live in, he simply feels like Nishikiyama chatting with Kiryu again, like when they were kids and not a pair of yakuza, and it just comes naturally. ]

[ it isn't surprising that kiryu insists nishiki gets into the cab first, only staggering in himself once his brother is seated. there's a part of him that wants to fuss about buckling up (probably due to his natural protective instincts being turned up to 11 by the booze), and he starts to reach across nishiki to look for a seatbelt... but all that goes out the window once nishiki shifts his weight onto him; after that, kiryu is content to sit back for the short ride home.

that contact doesn't help, though, especially once nishiki so plainly calls him out. kiryu merely shakes his head. ]

Nothing. Maybe the beer's finally rushing to my head. [ as an afterthought, his eyes quickly flick up to peek at the rear view mirror—the driver doesn't seem to see anything amiss about the two of them. after all, they're clearly just two drinking buddies who've had a little too much on this holiday night, aren't they? with another small shake, he sighs and tilts his head back. ] I'm surprised Reina didn't stop us... did we even pay?

[ he honestly has no idea. ]

Don't sweat it. She'll put it on my tab if we're missing anything. Reina knows we're not gonna steal from her - she'd bust our asses if we tried that.

[ not that either of them would ever try it in the first place. They might be Bad Boys (TM), but they're pretty good ones. He's a bit leery of the driver, too; still, he doesn't feel like moving away. He's comfortable. Nervous and vaguely nauseous, yet, but comfortable, too. It's hard for him to feel worried for long when he's with Kiryu - always been that way. ]

Mm... good point.

[ and with that, for the remainder of the ride, kiryu just closes his eyes and lets his hand rest in nishiki's. let him have a little reprieve for working his brain into overdrive. this is far past his usual quota of brainpower for a typical day. plus, it's... nice, just being able to relax after everything that's happened to them in the past year and change.

... he might need to be woken up once the cab reaches his place, though. ]

[ that is fair. Nishikiyama could probably fall asleep, too, provided he wasn't still riding a bit of an adrenaline rush. He only realizes Kiryu's passed after he's gone on talking for a little longer without getting a response - at which point he just sighs and sinks back into the seat (and Kiryu's side.) A smoke would hit the spot, but he remembers that his lighter is still in Kiryu's pocket, and he's not about to go rifling through them right now. So he's left alone with his thoughts.

It would probably be worse if he wasn't feeling warmly half-buzzed and sleepy, himself. Before he knows it, they're at the apartment, and he didn't even have time to psyche himself out about it. Cool? After handing the driver a nice stack of bills (probably too many, but he's drunk and it's Christmas, so whatever), Nishiki shakes Kiryu by the shoulders before simply grabbing his arm and tugging it as gets out, himself. ]

Bro, wake up. You're gonna drool on the seats.

[ if it were anyone else trying to wake him, they may have been greeted with a gruff refusal and a disgruntled wave of his arm (or a fist, if they were particularly unlucky), but kiryu easily recognizes nishiki's voice and touch even through his hazy return to consciousness. he lets himself be pulled out of the car, stumbling a little before he properly regains his footing. ]

I guess I didn't realize how tired I was until we sat down.

[ he rolls his shoulders to get his circulation going and make sure he's awake enough that he won't eat shit climbing the stairs. as much as he'd like to sling his arm over nishiki's shoulders again both for support and for what he's pretty sure qualifies as intimacy, the narrow steps leading up to his apartment aren't exactly made for multiple people walking side by side. he instead gestures for nishiki to go first as he follows diligently behind; hopefully without any missteps plaguing them, they reach kiryu's door and he welcomes nishiki in.

it's the same as usual, a typical messy bachelor pad with newspapers stacked in the corner, empty beer cans laying on their sides across the floor. it sure doesn't look like the room of someone whose apartment got firebombed a little less than a year ago, but hey. having some friends around helps speed up the recovery process.

he nods towards the bed before making eye contact with nishiki, his expression resolute. ]

Take my bed. I'll sleep on the floor.

[ he's no stranger to Kiryu's apartment, so he doesn't mind the usual clutter - he's used to it. He closes the door behind him with a sigh that sucks the tension out of his shoulders, like he can finally relax, because that's typically what coming back from Kamurocho to Kiryu's place means. It's not until Kiryu locks eyes with him again that he's reminded that now the two of them are alone and in private, and, oh yeah, their relationship now includes kissing. His immediately divvying up sleeping space gives Nishikiyama pause - not that he isn't tired, too, but he feels like there's no way he's going to fall asleep anytime soon. ]

Wait, wait, wait. You're just gonna knock out again?

[ he's a little jealous of how easily Kiryu is able to handle what life throws his way - the guy's always had nerves of steel. The temptation to just roll over and let him do it is there - it would certainly be easier to go to sleep than figure this out now, and let some of the alcohol wear off, too. But he didn't suggest going back with him because he wanted to go to sleep. After a moment of hesitation, he shifts on his heels, shaking his head. ]

Shouldn't we... talk? I know, I had a lot to drink, and I said all that shit, but I'm not... [ god, here we go. Nishiki takes a breath. ] It wasn't an accident.

Edited 2019-05-13 00:34 (UTC)

[ oh. hm. kiryu really was about to just call it a night. he figured nishiki would want to talk about what happened in the morning, when their heads were at least clear of booze, but... well. now he can't, either—not with nishiki looking at him like that, like he would much, much rather spill out his heart sooner rather than later.

with a nod signaling that he understands, he walks over to the kotatsu in the middle of the room and turns it on, then gestures for nishiki to sit opposite him. even though the heater is still in the process of starting up, climbing underneath the blanketed table is still cozy, especially given the season.

once nishiki is seated and starts talking, kiryu gives his brother his entire attention, regardless of how much he'd just like to drift off just like he'd did in the cab not too long ago. but then, nishiki lets that last bit slip, and kiryu's eyes widen briefly—it's perhaps the most emoting he's done all night. the look persists for only a second more before his face settles back into its usual neutral state, as he chooses the words for his response carefully. ]

I didn't think it was. [ a beat. ] I wouldn't have done it if I thought you were joking.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject